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Open roads. Camp fires. Cold beer. No mobile phones.
Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Now let's add a couple of caveats. You're in a car that's at least 35 years old - and travelling through country where mechanics and spare parts are thin on the ground.
You've got to raise at least $9000 before you even hit the road - in the face of the worst financial crisis the world's seen since the Depression.
You can't expect much serenity. There are a couple of hundred strangers along for the ride.
Oh, and it's hardly a meander. It's not exactly a race, but in one frantic week days you'll rack up hundreds of kilometres a day as you career from Adelaide to Alice Springs through some of Australia's harshest country.
Actually, it still sounds like fun. Welcome to Bashing for Variety.
Tomorrow, four of us - Mike, Easty, Gaz and myself - are saddling up for the up for the 2009 National Variety Bash - a week-long romp through the South Australian outback to raise money for the Variety children's charity. It ends in Alice Springs, where the other state-based Bashers converge for one almighty, 2000-strong shindig.
The rules of Bashing are pretty simple. You need to find a car made before December 1974, you need explore the most inventive ways to raise thousands of dollars for Variety (which has collected tens of millions over the years through such events), and you must have fun doing it. One of the most coveted awards is “outright cheat”.
Our trusty steed is Matilda, a wood-panelled International wagon (1951 model AL110 for the experts) fast approaching her 50th birthday.
We might be virgins - the Bash community's playful term for Bash first-timers - but Matilda's a veteran. In fact, she took part in Dick Smith's first Redex Variety Club Bash (as it was then known) in 1985. With a crew that included my old man, Alec, she came equal second in the Bourke to Burketown rally (behind the late wine doyen Len Evans).
Matilda eventually completed 10 bashes - and, extraordinarily, one fully fledged rally - raising $96,000 for Variety. But, in recent years, she has been gathering dust in museums and garages.
Last year, Dad reluctantly sold her to Mike, knowing she was going to a good home. At not-inconsiderable expense, he's bringing Matilda out of retirement for another waltz through the outback.
Out timing hasn't been great. I think we finally decided to enter the Bash about a day before Lehman Brothers collapsed in September, sending the financial world into paroxysms and causing just about anyone we'd ask for money to slam shut their wallets.
A fury of wine sales and Saturday morning sausage sizzles outside Bunnings by my colleagues in Adelaide got the money moving. And, eventually, the good cause that is Variety started to draw the sponsors. (Special thanks here to Carsguide, U-Store it, LaVina Estate Wines, Three Oaks Cider Company, T&R Pastoral, Prestige Auto Solutions, Ginn Finanacial Advisors, Royce Cross Electric Motors, Ausco Modular, The Australian, Bunnings, Broadacres, Visual Marketing and more). We’ve now raised more than $15,000 for charity.
While that process was limping along, there were the issues of choosing a theme for our entry (those debates continue) and getting Matilda back into Bash shape (that effort continues with working bees and a steady leakage of cash from Mike's kids' university fund). Detailed discussions on how best to cheat and bribe our way to victory and what to take (Matilda needs a little amber ballast to help her sit on the road) are yet to come.
Then there's the Bash itself. Most of us need a few more training hours behind the wheel of Matilda (there aren't many simulators for a 1951 truck). I just thank God there are highly qualified and highly patient mechanics accompanying the Bash. (“It's amazing how much better a six-cylinder car goes when it's not running on three-and-a-half cylinders,” was one of Mike's contributions. And he's the expert of the crew.)
Stay tuned to Carsguide for regular updates on our preparation, then for daily missives during the Bash itself. If you want to know more about the Bash go to http://www.varietysa.org.au.
mathiesonc@theaustralian.com.au
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